CLUBBED TO DEATH
Why is it that every time I go shopping I have to belong to a club?
“Are you a Club Member?”
“It’s toothpaste.”
“Yes. Are you a member?”
Why the hell can’t I just go into a market and buy block of cheese without having to tell the clerk where I live? I don’t get it. I mean, is this actually supposed to make me feel ‘special’ somehow? That I’m now part of an elite group of shoppers? Will it be included in my eulogy?
“A member of both Safeway and Savon Drug Marts, Colin took great pride in purchasing deodorants and laundry detergent…”
That, and I hate being put on the spot. Shopping is kind of a personal thing to begin with, you know? You’re standing there with all this stuff out on display. You just want to get out of there, when… bang.
“Member?”
Well. Ahh. Don’t really know what to say.
I actually find myself embarrassed for some strange, ridiculous reason. So, I look away for a second. Only to find that the whole damn line is now staring at me. And I can just see it in their faces.
“IS he a member?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’ve never seen him in here before.”
“Condoms and Dog Food… Hmm.”
So. Here it is, for the record.
I don’t want your Petro Points, your Air Miles, your punch card, the free donut or the hat with your stupid filling station logo on it. I don’t want to belong to your stupid Club and have one of your stupid Club ‘cards’ that identifies me as being one of your stupid Club Members.
I’ve got my own Club. It’s colors are red, white and blue and I flash my membership in 5’s, 10’s, and 20’s.
Hey!! I was promised a blog about Lasagna… I’ve been DIDDLED!!
Just out of interest I grabbed my purse to see how many clubs I am a member of :- Movie Masters Kids Club - We hardly ever go to movies we are too far away. Crossroads Members Club - my sister won’t let me shop there any more because their clothes are daggy. Spotlight VIP Club (you see Colin I AM special) - Fabric shop for people who can sew, and I can’t. Athletes’ Foot Club, I’ve done well with that one, I can buy 2 more pairs of overpriced school shoes and get a pair half price. Sadly for them I discovered I can go to Spendless Shoes and buy a years supply of kids shoes for the price it cost me to buy one pairs of theirs… so they can stick THEIR club up their….. shoe. UndercoverWear collection club, however their underwear gives me a rash. Autograph VIP Club (See? Special!!) Can’t shop there anymore as its clothes for ‘big’ ladies and I’m no longer big. Well I found 1 useful club card, Pharmacy 777 Club card which is really flash, it has a little silver thingy on it that can be updated each visit, I now have $1.82 credit and an affectionate little note offering me advice on how to keep my digestive system in tip top condition.
I’ve never felt so special in my life.
God. That’s funny. You had me cracking up. Nicely written.
C.
Wow! The writer, actor & director of a potential Oscar winning movie thinks my blog post is nicely written!! (and I really mean ‘wow’, I’m not being facetious)
Now I really do feel special! :-)
Consider it a thank you for all the laughs you’ve given me.
As much as you hate being asked about membership, us lowly cashiers (well, when I was one) didn’t really like asking about it either. Working at a big chain book store, that was my least favorite thing about working the front end and the managers were always, “push the memberships! Remember, if they buy $250 in books, they’ve earned back their money!” Great. So I have to tell them to buy this thing when they’re already spending a ton of money and get glared at for hastling them again because maybe I haven’t ever seen them before, but twenty other employess have already asked them about this membership that they don’t want. Being a lowly employee who didn’t really care all that much about the fate of the company and their silly program, I often “forgot” to ask.
Now that I’m out of retail, I sadly have no sympath for those people who are always asking me about memberships and cards and do I want one and I should have one — look, if I wanted one, I’d have one. Geez. The gym membership guys are the worst. I had one come up to me in the mall with the opening line, “Hey, I want to show you something.” Hi, not at all creepy! No, he says, he just wants to show me a magic trick and doesn’t everyone love magic? There was much fleeing after that. Now when they come near me, I just shout, “Do not want!” and quickly make my escape.
I think I’m in the same boat with Bexter. Over the years I’ve politely accepted one membership card after another with little to show for it. The only “club card” that gets me the world is my public library card. I’ll keep that one.
Congrats on all of the Leo noms.
Cheers, Chev
Gave it some thought and did a little research. Y’all might want to skim these sites:
http://www.nocards.org/overview/index.shtml QUOTE Some suspect that stores intend to use card information for direct marketing purposes, but in reality this is not the long term concern. Most stores have privacy policies that prohibit them from selling the information (at least for now), and there is a large segment of the population that obtains cards by using a fake identity, making the data worthless for direct marketing purposes. (…)
So what is the real purpose? Card programs allow stores to identify who their “best” customers are and then cater the store to meet their needs. A study conducted in the late 90’s showed that 75% of a supermarkets profit came from just 30% of their customers. When store spokespeople say they exist simply to “Reward the best shoppers. We will target them in the future. They will get the benefits”, as {Kroger’s QFC division—gam} recently stated in Seattle, it certainly sounds like they are referring to everyone that participates, but the real goal is to identify and reward that elite 30% {my emphasis—Colin was right!—gam}[10]. For store executives, “loyal” is synonymous with “high profit” and if you don’t meet that criterion, don’t expect your current shopping experience to remain the same for much longer. END QUOTE
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/07/18/eveningnews/consumer/main564002.shtml
More articles on grocery club cards:
http://search.aol.com/aol/search?query=GROCERY+CLUB+CARDS&invocationType=msie70a