April 2008 Archives

Who was the bright light that thought of putting ‘ice’ in the men’s urinal?

What, was some waiter scooping cubes into somebody’s glass then thought to himself, “Hey, wait! People could melt these with their pee!”

And guys, you know you can’t just do your business and leave. Oh no. You gotta make a game out of it. You start thinking to yourself, “Hmm… How many cubes can I melt before my pee runs out?”

And now, you’ve become this super hero, “I am Toxic Pee Man!” It’s like playin’ a game of ‘Break The Ice’, only with your wang. “If I can just blast through these last two, the whole thing will come crashing down.”

Anyway. I don’t know and I don’t care. The guy was a genius. And I’m hoping that he was at least promoted to Assistant Manager.

I’ve always been a big fan of Michael Moore, the filmmaker.

From ‘Roger and Me’, to ‘Bowling For Columbine’, to ‘Farenheight-911’. The guy never ceases to provoke, entertain and to perhaps, enlighten. Granted, the guy has never had a problem completely obliterating the truth, but that’s not my point. He is a great filmmaker. AND… to make it all the more important, Moore’s films are DOCUMENTARIES. And, in a world of narrative filmmaking, however you stand politically, you have to give the guy even more credit.

Therefore, from a ‘film-making’ stand point. The guy’s pretty good.

That said, I love filmmaking. I’ve studied Leni Riefenstahl to a degree that would make most Cambridge professors puke.

Does ‘that’ make me a Nazi? Of course not.

Does that make Leni a genius? Christ, yes.

No matter where you stand. As a filmmaker… She was incredible.

Point? If you have half a brain, then you can separate genius from virtue. Talent, from morality. Moore from the truth and Strauss from a stack of dead Jews.

Unfortunately, many of history’s greatest artists were pigs.

Talented, yes. Inspired…?

Absolutely.

Geniuses, but certainly not poster children for a better tomorrow.

And so, as an independent… I’m forced to think for myself. (And, therefore, criticized by those on both sides.)

But… I LOVE film.

Check this out.

Here is a film that had no script. Nothing other than the voice of it’s own insanity.

Everything that you ‘hear’, was recorded by the subjects themselves. No politics, other than that wished for by the subjects themselves. No video, but the video shot… by them. No message, but their own.

A message created by scum. Spoken by scum…

And (ironically) denounced by the same.

Unheard of.

Death to those who click.

www.themoviefitna.com Oops. Sorry, that’s been banned.

Try this one.

www.themoviefitna.com Oops. Sorry, that one just disappeared too.

Keep you posted.

C.

Not bad. Not bad at all.

In addition to having qualified for an Academy Award, the LEO AWARD NOMINATIONS have just come in!! (British Columbia Film Awards.) And I would once again extend my thanks and congratulations to those listed below, and to all the cast, crew and friends that have worked so very hard to create and support this project.

Here they are;

7 LEO AWARD NOMINATIONS! -

BEST SHORT DRAMA - Madison Graie, Derrick Garland - Producers

BEST DIRECTION - Colin Cunningham

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY - Kevin Hall

BEST PICTURE EDITING - Jonathan Eric Tyrrell

BEST OVER ALL SOUND - Real Gauvreau

BEST MAKE UP - Jayne Dancose

BEST PERFORMANCE by a Male - Colin Cunningham

And let’s not forget;

BEST SHORT AWARD - Cinequest/ACADEMY QUALIFIER!!

BEST ACTOR - Method Fest

BEST SHORT Nomination - Method Fest

BEST EMERGING DIRECTOR Nomination - Vancouver Intl.

‘IN COMPETITION’ - Montreal

Great news! Thanks again everyone!

C.

Why is it that every time I go shopping I have to belong to a club?

“Are you a Club Member?”

“It’s toothpaste.”

“Yes. Are you a member?”

Why the hell can’t I just go into a market and buy block of cheese without having to tell the clerk where I live? I don’t get it. I mean, is this actually supposed to make me feel ‘special’ somehow? That I’m now part of an elite group of shoppers? Will it be included in my eulogy?

“A member of both Safeway and Savon Drug Marts, Colin took great pride in purchasing deodorants and laundry detergent…”

That, and I hate being put on the spot. Shopping is kind of a personal thing to begin with, you know? You’re standing there with all this stuff out on display. You just want to get out of there, when… bang.

“Member?”

Well. Ahh. Don’t really know what to say.

I actually find myself embarrassed for some strange, ridiculous reason. So, I look away for a second. Only to find that the whole damn line is now staring at me. And I can just see it in their faces.

“IS he a member?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’ve never seen him in here before.”

“Condoms and Dog Food… Hmm.”

So. Here it is, for the record.

I don’t want your Petro Points, your Air Miles, your punch card, the free donut or the hat with your stupid filling station logo on it. I don’t want to belong to your stupid Club and have one of your stupid Club ‘cards’ that identifies me as being one of your stupid Club Members.

I’ve got my own Club. It’s colors are red, white and blue and I flash my membership in 5’s, 10’s, and 20’s.

OH BAMA!!

I think I’m going to join a church that preaches a ‘White Value System’. (Kind of like a ‘Black Value System’ only with half the melanin.) You know, just like the one Obama goes to. A church that tells you to spend your money only at black businesses and to be cautious of those wearing sunscreen. Granted, it sounds pretty stupid and God only knows what other kind of bullshit they’d preach there, but who cares? I’m thinking of running for President.

Maybe I’ll call it, Church of… ‘THE RACE’. Catchy.

On second thought, don’t want people thinking I’m racist. Hmm. Tell ya what. I’m no idiot. What I’ll do is translate the words into Spanish (who doesn’t love Spanish?) and instead of calling it THE RACE, I’ll call it LA RAZA. Only, jazz it up with some italics and an exclamation point. LA RAZA! Sounds way better too. Not as white. Which is good ‘cause sheep can’t read.

I’ve got a message for all you Browny’s, Blacky’s, Yellows, Pinks, Half Pinks, Reds, Whites and Off-Whites. Take your ‘color’ and stick it up your ass. I’m sick of you and your stupid race club. If you’re an American, be that and shut up. Stop your bitching. I don’t care what color you are. If you’re British, be British. Pledge allegiance to that flag and no other. Nobody gives a crap about your stupid ass tint or where you came from. They’re too damned busy living their lives. Just be proud of where you are and thank God you’ve got it so good. And stop thinking that you’re somehow ‘special’ because you’re gay. Nobody gives a snot about that either. Sexual preference does not define who you are. Character does. Pride? Christ, if you want to take pride in something DO something worthy of taking pride in. Fucking somebody doesn’t count. Neither does jerking off a 7 foot inflatable cock at a parade. That only makes you look like an idiot.

You can also take your Sharia Nazi honor killing bullshit and stick that up your ass. We don’t rape and murder our women over here because they listen to Madonna. Hell, we don’t even execute child murderers anymore. (We would, but the courts let them all go.)

Wether you’re born or imported, pay some respect to those who died for your privilege of being here. And when you travel to other lands? Be an ambassador, to and from, your host country. Be humble. Respect it’s values and culture. Do not spit on the traditions they hold dear. If you’re in a Muslim country, please don’t parade your tattoo around to show off how liberated you are. It’s offensive. And if you’re from a Muslim country, please leave your Burka at home. We’ve had enough slavery over here.

Either way, do me a big favor and Shut the f*ck up.

The sane people of the world have had enough of you, and your squeaky wheel is beginning to grade on those riding the bus.

E pluribus unum

Well, it’s been quite the week down here in the good ol’ US of A.

Obamas ‘change’ is starting to look like his Pastor’s diaper. Hillary’s ‘sniper tested’ bullet proof vest turned out to be filled with 109 million dollars. Jimmy Carter is getting even closer to his 72 virgins and in a medium as mindnumbingly uncensored as the internet (where you can readily find footage of people being murdered and raped) a little short film called ‘FITNA’ cannot seem to be found anywhere.

(http://www.themoviefitna.com./)

Hmmm.

What shall we talk about?

How about the fact that CENTIGRADE has just qualified for an Academy Award!!!!

You heard me baby! And I’m sitting here laughing my ass off. Let me say that again. CENTIGRADE has just qualified for an Academy Award.

I’m not kidding. We were just informed that we won BEST SHORT at the Cinequest Film Festival in San Jose, California!!

What does that mean? Well, Cinequest is an Academy Award qualifier. Which means if you take a ‘Best Film’ award at an Academy santioned film festival, then you qualify to submit for a f*cking Oscar!!!!

Unreal. This ‘is’ a first. Never in my life have I ever been able to say that I have an Academy Award qualifying film. And I can’t stop laughing.

I just recently went back to look at the first entry ever published on this blog. A future totally unknown (as it should be). A road just beginning. This project had little more than faith and a few good friends pushing for it. And now this.

Holy shit. Don’t really know what to say.

Think I’ll just keep on laughing.

C.

Hey everyone.

Just a quick update to say that The Method Fest was absolutely wonderful. And… we picked up 2 nominations. Best Short and Best Actor.

Not only that, I actually won for Best Actor!!!

Yeeee Haaaaa!!!! And I have to say, I’ve never before seen such astonishing work at a festival. The shorts that they put together for this festival were some of the finest films I have ever seen. Just mind blowing work. Had a lot of good friends there too. Bri McQuair, JR Bourne, Mike Rudd, Phil Hayes, Rob Stilson, Mark Rickerby, Claudia Rickerby, Derek Horne, Ali Nakelski, Paul McGillion, Stevie Styles… and of course my Dad. It was a great week and it was a real blast to finally take an award.

That said… so far, the little film that could has screened ‘in competition’ in Montreal. Nominated for Best Emerging Director in Vancouver. Made the Top Ten lists in both Santa Barbara and Palm Springs and now, a nomination for Best Short, and a win for Best Actor. Not bad.

We’ve also been accepted as part of the film market in Cannes AND been asked to screen at the exceptional Jackson Hole International Film Festival in Wyoming.

All we need now is to win the lottery. My god this stuff costs money. Anyway, just wanted to give you guys a quick update.

Thanks again everyone for all the support. Thank you Method Fest!!

Sincerely,

Colin