ROOT CANAL
Broke my tooth.
Dentist said, if I didn’t stop ‘grinding’ my teeth at night, they’d look like Tic Tacs before I hit 41. Well… looks like I’m losing the bet. I’ve just been so stressed, for so long, that I ended up crunching a back molar so hard that it just snapped in half.
Not good.
So, now I have to go back to the dentist and tell him, “Yes sir, the night guard you recommended (exactly six months ago) will be most appreciated. Thank you. But before you fit me for that, why don’t we grind that puppy down to nothin’, then stick a cap on it.”
Cost, $1,500 bucks. Thank GOD Green Shield is going to cover it. (I wonder if I can get Centigrade insurance?)
But it’s a little weird, because it happened over night (unlike my career). Which means that when I woke up, it wasn’t there. Which means, I must have swallowed it. Which means, at some point in time tomorrow or the next day I’m going to poop out my own tooth. (I should be grateful, it could have been the other way around.)
But ain’t that the rub, one minute you’re 1 of 15 films competing out of 3,000. The next, you’ve got a tooth in your turd.
Welcome to my life.
I’m going to be honest here. I make a pretty good living. (Well, for a single guy, no kids, no mortgage, etc.) Problem is, I’m not happy with it. Well, that’s ridiculous of course. I LOVE my life. What I mean, is that it’s almost impossible for me to sit around and stare at a new car or palm tree or condo. I NEED to be doing something that means something.
Now, I’ve got no problem with condos. What I ‘do’ have a problem with, is the fact that anyone can simply go out and ‘buy’ one. And not to take anything away from money earned and invested, it’s a MUST. But… I’d personally get more out of the equation if I could ‘design’ the condo. Have a personal stake in it. Lay something on the line. To see, whether or not my design will hold any merit. Stand the test of time. I don’t know. Something other than simply writing a check.
Call it rebellious. Irresponsible. Jejune. But the one thing you cannot call me is ‘insecure’. There is a voice in me that I suppose will always be there. It is neither a voice of reason, logic or practicality. It simply says that the fruits of ones labor are sure to ferment, therefore… don’t get caught up in the wine. Instead, obsess over the path. The people. The places. And yes, the work.
For unlike the horseshit you’ve been spoon fed your entire life, you ARE what you do. Okay, I’ve said it. I’ve lost half my audience. But it’s true. If you are not what you DO, then what the hell are you? How else are you defined? By what you say?! What you think?! What you wear? Feel?
Bullshit.
My friends, you have roughly 70 to 80 years on this earth and I can sure as shit promise you that NOBODY is going to remember you for what you thought. (Not unless you write it down.) It will be what you DID with your life that will have mattered. How many did you touch? What did you leave behind? Was your life true to who you were? Or did you simply live the lie others found worthy? Did you delude yourself into believing you could hide under a carpet of sacrifice?
Yes? No?
Either way. And at what ever point. Shut up and do the thing you were meant to do. And if that be a parent, be the best. If it be plumber, invent something no one’s ever seen before. And if you happen to be a clerk behind a counter, know that you will perhaps touch more people than I could ever imagine through the medium of short films and second hand television.
Own your life. Own your decisions.
The flak you take will be tough. The successes, bitter sweet. You’ll wonder if it was worth it. Those that love you will tell you it was. People will hate you, others will say you’re a genius. And odds are they’re both totally full of it.
But at the end of the road, neither matter. It was never about them, but what they inspired in you. And what you, inspire in others. It sure as hell ain’t about about getting a ‘better table’ in some restaurant. (When you’ve worked in the kitchen, a table’s a table.)
It’s about taking those fingers you so readily point at the world and making the decision to bend them into a fist, that you begin to live. And yes, people will hate you. And people will praise you.
But who asked them? Not me.
Therefore, I will live my life full steam. And yes, I will wish the forgiveness of those that may have been burned along the way. But I too have been burned. And I will aspire to hold no grudge along the way. (Well, maybe a few.)
‘Success is relative.’ Though be most careful of those who describe it as such. They are the losers. The non participants. The bitter. Sheep hide best behind college educations.
Then again, maybe I’m wrong. Perhaps they are the sages of our time. Therefore, and that said.
In terms of success?
I am.
C.
I’m surprised you don’t have TMJ issues. I may not grind my teeth, but I certainly clench my jaw way too much when I’m stressed or performing a concert. I’ve had to learn to change my habits. Even then I find myself still doing those bad things!
Everything you have said is true…at least to me. I spend most of my days trying to make everyone else happy and do not think about what I really want, what it is i am good at, how i can make a difference and achieve the things I want to achieve. These things are taking time to be realised because I am so busy concerning myself with everyone else and being what I think they want me to be. So reading your comments has gone some way to giving me a wake up call…after another bad incident in life where someone has walked all over me, because to be truthful i let them, I allow myself to be so vulnerable and so easily accessible emotionally and worried about the other person, be it a lover or a friend that I forget about protecting me and making myslef happy. Its time i thought about me and started having the life i want to have. So thank you for just giving me the kick up the bum that I have been needing.
Well said, my friend.
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Mine are being bent into ASL signs. Started the college courses Monday, hope to complete in two years.
Looking forward to hearing the competition results.
An this, my friend, is why you will always be successful at whatever you do! You have such a great energy and passion for what you do that nothing can stop you :)
XO Eileen
Just read all your blogs and laughed my ass off. Sorry to hear about your tooth but I must admit that was the funniest part.
“One minute you’re 1 of 15 films competing out of 3,000. The next, you’ve got a tooth in your turd.”
hahahahahahahahaha
Have the whole thing bronzed for posterity.
Hope all is well, and I hope it doesn’t bite you on the way out.
Love ya, brother.
Mark Rickerby
The quote that disappeared in my previous post:
“It’s about taking those fingers you so readily point at the world and making the decision to bend them into a fist, that you begin to live.”
Since finding this blog i’ve been slowly reading (and enjoying) them but i wasn’t going to comment on the older ones because I thought, well no ones going to read them anyway but…..
LMAO!!! about the tooth! Thing is, a few weeks ago i woke up with half a tooth missing, from clenching not grinding, and until this point had never given any thought to what had happened to the other half…. EEEEUUUUWWWW!!!! I also had a trip to the dentist and a HBF funded ‘trip’ at the dentist as they had me on the gas for 2 hours… Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Iwas still smiling when they handed me the $800 bill. I still haven’t been able to bring myself to digging out my night guard though.
Your observations about wanting to not just buy the condo but design the condo also freaked me out, i thought i was the only one who thought like that, so either we are the only ones or there are a whole stack of insane people in the world.
But… in a small way i have acheived that goal, however I’ll never be able to afford to buy a condo in the building i helped design. You see I manage condo’s, not the rentals… the whole building and my company recently won the contract for ‘Capital Square’ http://www.savilleaustralia.com.au/projects-capitalsquare.html the biggest, most awsome project to hit Perth in years. We won it before they even broke ground on building it and they asked us for a list of our requirements for the building, how many lifts, carparks, where do we want this, that, how many public toilets etc etc which I prepared and sent back. So now when the biggest most impressive building in Perth opens I’ll be able to park my car in the car park (for free, yippeee cause i’ll have a managers pass), check out the janitors closet and use the public toilet, happy in the knowledge that little old me had a say in where they went. Now I feel like I have acheived something.
So……I’m just now getting around to reading some of your blogs (sick and have some free time)……and typical that the first one I choose makes me laugh and cry at the same time.
I had to laugh at your tooth story. I mean, root canals aren’t funny, but having been through a similar experience a few months back, I definitely “get it”! I’m one of those who has to find humor in every situation….with my tooth issues, my humor came in the form of nitrous oxide….yes, laughing gas actually did make me laugh….I’d tell you the whole story but don’t want to ‘hog your blog’, or rather, bore you, but suffice it to say there is certainly something surreal about laughing while your dentist is drilling a hole in your tooth!
Oh and as an FYI…I’ve tried 2 different mouth guards……if the one he gave you is a hateful thing (like my first one was), I know of a really good one that works great that not all dentists use….but really does the job…..
But I digress…..so then you got me all misty when you were “waxing philosophical” about life……I think you’ve hit the nail on the head in my case, of having a good life, I love my life, but not finding it entirely happy or satisfying. I struggle to find a way to make my life meaningful, to be more than just living day to day. I spend far too much time wasting away feeling sorry for myself, being bored, being afraid to challenge myself, being afraid to live my life and do something new and exciting. It is far too easy to sit here and live my life out on my computer, go to work, have a family, but do a half-ass job of it all.
It’s odd, but you’ve always inspired me. Well, not odd, but yeah, you do inspire me. I’ll be back here more often now, I think. Now I have to decide if my stomach is feeling too hinky to walk on the treadmill or not. Whatever.